If you can keep your head when those who manage Have lost the plot and need someone to blame, And bust your gut to minimise the damage, And know you’ll never blush to find it fame; If you can knuckle down and get the job done, And be content with knowing it’s done well, And seek no more reward - then you’re a mug, son. Don’t work so hard – but push yourself like hell! If you can boost your key performance metrics With “competencies” that you never had, With HR unaware that you’ve sussed their tricks And found the loopholes in their latest fad; If you can keep your boss, and his boss, happy While letting lesser liveware do the work, You’ll seem, to those who count, a clever chappie. (Ignore the nobodies who think you shirk.) If you know nothing practical – just bullshit! (Don’t worry, no-one senior will know.) You’ll have your share of luck, my son, so push it! You’ll be surprised how far and high you’ll go. If you can meet redundancy and head-hunts, And in the face of each be just as bold (You’ll find it’s not so hard when it’s been done once - But don’t forget your parachute of gold!); If you do nothing useful, but can witter About key tasks, rightsizing, and team roles You’ll find that you’ll be seen as all the fitter For more promotion up the greasy pole. If you can talk the talk and walk the walk, son, That’s all you need, to be a plutocrat. Grab all you want; let others do the work, son, And if you don’t – well, son, you’ll be a prat.
Jungle Books. It should not be forgotten that he won the Nobel prize for literature in 1907. He suffers a lot from being quoted out of context, for example the line that "East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet" expresses precisely the view that his Ballad of East and West set out to demolish. Another of his poems concludes "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!" - rather a daring sentiment for the times in which he lived. His poem If is one of the best-known and best-loved in the English language - and so ripe for parody.
(1865-1936) is unfashionable as a poet nowadays, being perhaps best remembered as the original author of the now hopelessly disneyfiedKipling liked plain English and would have come down hard on modern managementspeak.
© Bob Newman 2004. All rights reserved.
This page last updated 11/12/2004