John Masefield

Road Rage

I must down the M1 again, to the traffic jams and the fumes
And all I ask is a friendly flash when a speed trap looms
And a pleasant stop at Watford Gap for a coffee and a muffin
And kids who'll doze off in the back, and not say nuffin.

I must down the M1 again, just get in my car and ride
For the road's call is a wild call that cannot be denied
And all I ask is a full tank of green unleaded
And a lack of women drivers in the way I'm headed.

I must down the M1 again, the road to Milton Keynes
Don't know why I feel this way; must be something in my genes.
But all I ask is a green field with concrete cows grazing
And a ton-up in the fast lane with my headlights blazing.

I must down the M1 again, to get high as a kite on speed
And overtake everything in sight; it's a basic human need.
And all I ask, if I top myself before I get much older,
Is bury me neath a simple cross on the cold hard shoulder.

John Masefield (1878-1967) ran away to sea early in life. His poems include Cargoes and Sea Fever, on which this parody is based. He was appointed poet laureate in 1930.

I have read this one to audiences a few times, and it always gets a hostile reaction - curiously, not because of the rampant roadhoggery it expresses, but entirely because of its sexist attitude to women drivers. Please try to remember that opinions expressed in a poem are not always those of the poet (see also Kipling). Irony is a possibility which should not be overlooked.

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This page last updated 28/11/2004